MR BLACKITT: Look at them! Bloody Conservatives, filling up the bloody jails with minorities using their bloody fascist drug laws.

MRS BLACKITT: What are we dear?

MR BLACKITT: Progressives, and fiercely proud of it!

MRS BLACKITT: Well why do they put so many minorities in jail?

MR BLACKITT: Conservatives abuse their drug war laws to over-police minority areas, leading to a higher rate of arrest and prosecution for minorities. 

MRS BLACKITT: But it’s the same with us, Harry.

MR BLACKITT: How do you mean?

MRS BLACKITT: We’ve got police here, and they over-patrol the minority areas.

MR BLACKITT: But that’s not the point! Because we have no drug war, we can enjoy public spaces without fear of being harassed by cops any time we want to. 


MR BLACKITT: Oh, yes! And what’s more, because we don’t believe in all that fascist claptrap, we can enjoy cannabis!

MRS BLACKITT: What do you mean? Like in a salad?

MR BLACKITT: No, no! I mean that because we’re a member of one of the most progressive states in the union, which successfully challenged the autocratic power of the Drug War brought on by Harry J. Anslinger in 1938, we can take advantage of the many benefits of cannabis.

MRS BLACKITT: What d’you mean?

MR BLACKITT: I could, if I wanted, smoke cannabis with you…

MRS BLACKITT: Oh, yes, Harry

MR BLACKITT: And by using the proper device, I could ensure that when I took my hit, you could get a massive hit as well.


MR BLACKITT: That’s what being a Progressive is all about! That’s why Oregon is the state for me! That’s why it’s the state for anyone who respects the Individual and the Individual’s right to decide for him or herself. When the people of Oregon passed Measure 91 in 2014, legalizing recreational cannabis use, they may not have realized the full extent of what they were doing, but now, nine years later, thanks to them, my dear, I can put whatever cannabis I want in my pipe… [sniff] … and Progressivism doesn’t stop there! Oh, no! I could enjoy my cannabis as a gummy if I want!


MR BLACKITT: I could vape, or smoke hash or dabs! I could smoke from a bong designed not only to protect, but to enhance the stimulation of the hit.

MRS BLACKITT: Have you got one?

MR BLACKITT: Have I got one? Uh. Well, no. But I can go down the road any time I want and walk into the dispensary with my head held high and say in a loud, steady voice, “Steve, I want you to sell me some cannabis. In fact, today I’d like a lid of Thai Stick. And that cute little bong over there. For I am a Progressive Oregonian!”

MRS BLACKITT: Well why don’t you? 

MR BLACKITT: You know? That’s an excellent idea. Come along, Mildred. You can pick out the grinder.


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