We have a deep fascination with comparing relative speeds, and will spend great sums of cash to witness and gamble on the outcome of a racing match between dogs, horses, people, or automobiles. Also, from time immemorial, some witnesses have been present just to see disaster unfold as dogs start fighting or horses go lame or cars collide. It is challenging to untangle the need to see total victory from the need to witness crushing defeat.
In eleven days from this writing, there will be a debate between the two major party presidential candidates. It’s being framed as a horse race, but it’s obviously going to be disaster porn instead. The debate rules have been designed to neuter the impact of trolling and bullying, and this is going to disproportionately disable one of the two. The specific rules from CNN (via New York Times) were:
The 90 minutes of debate time will begin, according to the rules circulated by CNN, once the first question is answered. Up to five minutes are designated per question: two minutes for the opening answer, a one-minute rebuttal, a one-minute response to the rebuttal and an extra minute to be used at the discretion of the moderators. Each candidate will also be allowed a two-minute closing statement.
I have every reason to believe one of the candidates will absolutely melt down within fifteen minutes. Glimpse with me into one possible future where Biden answers the first question within his allotted time, then the other guys starts rambling and gets cut off after a minute, allowing Biden to give some kind of curt slapback. The question goes to Littlefingers but he’s already rambling about how unfair the debate is for two minutes, allowing Biden to give a smart 45 second “rebuttal”, and another minute of felonious rage before his mike is cut again. I anticipate he will rage-quit after the second or third question.
The very idea that Sleepy McFelon would have the stamina to stay awake for ninety minutes is ludicrous. The fact that Biden managed to manipulate his opponent into agreeing to this debate is surprising and impressive. However, I will not be a witness to it, as I have no interest in horse races or disaster porn. I have every expectation that the copy for the New York Times article on the debate is already written, praising the GOP candidate’s brilliance and domination of the debate, so don’t worry that this will have any impact on the greater horse race.
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